The Beginning of My Fitness Journey
So, I'm finally starting my fitness journey on Sunday, September 2, 2018. I’ll be doing the Fitness Vixen Challenge over the next 90 days. I'm excited and scared at the same time because what I’m setting out to do is all so new to me. I mean, I’ve lost weight in the past before but not in this kinda way, and, certainly not as a Fitness Vixen. There’s so much that I’m unsure of which is scary to me. For one, I'm not sure of what to expect along my fitness journey with the Fitness Vixen Challenge. For two, I’m not sure of whether the fitness regimen that I will soon have to adopt as part of the Fitness Vixen Challenge will lead me to actually achieving my body goals. But! I am certainly ready, however, to start this new chapter of my life, so I am open to the endless possibilities (and lifestyle changes) that this fitness journey will bring to me. My overall goal with my fitness journey is to be an inspiration to women like myself. I will no longer allow my life and my body to be controlled by PCOS. I will transition into me being the one in control of how PCOS affects my mind, my body, and my life. I will no longer live my life as an obese woman. I will transition into living my life as a Fitness Vixen. I will no longer let inconsistency be the norm for my behavior. I will transition into being a woman that honors her word and maintains consistency in everything that she says and does. Here’s why starting my fitness journey and pursuing these goals and lifestyle changes are so important to me.
My Body and Weight fluctuations Over Time
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Over the past several years I had sat back while my health slowly but surely deteriorated. I noticed changes in my skin, my hair, my menstrual cycle, and within my overall body composition, but, I didn’t know exactly what was going on inside of me. I shrugged it off as, “Oh it’s a part of life,” and “Oh everyone gains some weight.” Not knowing that what I was experiencing was not normal, it was common, but not normal. My body was trying to tell me that I was sick. I knew that I had gained weight and was eating way too much food than I used to eat. But I had no idea exactly how much weight I had gained in so little time and exactly how much my “weight gain” had contributed to the decline of my health. That is until I went to my doctor’s office, and he told me I had gained nearly 50 pounds in as a little as two/three years. I was already a plus size woman, so this additional 50 pounds only further complicated an already unhealthy situation for me. Not only that, but my doctor also revealed to me that I was pre-diabetic and after reviewing my symptoms he diagnosed me with PCOS and morbid obesity. I won’t go into detail here about what PCOS is because I am still learning it myself, but basically it’s my understanding that its a hormonal imbalance in a woman’s endocrine system which affects her reproductive system. Aside from the obvious symptoms like unwanted hair growth, the excessive weight gain in the stomach/waist area, and the irregular menses, having PCOS makes it challenging to lose weight or manage your weight due to an acquired insulin resistance (pre-diabetes). I’ll explain more in another article, but for now, its enough to say its a hormonal imbalance that promotes weight gain. Part of my goals with my fitness journey is to get my weight under control so that my body can better manage my hormones. Through achieving this goal, I intend to use my story to inspire other women like myself who suffer from PCOS (and the many symptoms that it brings to us). I want you ladies to know that yes it’s hard to lose weight, manage your hormones, and overall control PCOS, but it can and will be done. Watch me do it. If I can do it, you can too!
Living My Life as an Obese Woman. I don’t ever remember being “slim-thick” but I also don’t recall being obese. Looking back at old pictures and remembering how I felt about my body image back then, I always felt like I was fat. Never obese. I don’t know if I was always in denial, being delusional, or exactly what my issue was, but I never saw myself as I really was. When I was “smaller,” I felt like I was a huge whale. My doctor’s diagnosis of my health didn’t make things any better. It put things into perspective for me, but it didn't make it any better. I never looked at myself as being an obese woman. I knew that I had packed on some weight and that I could no longer see my feet when I looked down, or that I could no longer tie my shoes without having to lean to the side. But I never truly saw myself as being an obese woman. Over time I grew to be totally uncomfortable with my body image and my appearance. I began to buy and wear dark oversized clothes to hide my body from everyone’s line of sight. I also became consistent with standing people up. I would accept invitations to go out with my family and friends, but after trying on many outfits (which I always felt looked horrible on me), I would always wind up not going to the events. This became a regular pattern for me to the point where I am no longer invited to events. Instead, I see pictures of everyone having fun and I will get calls from people saying, “Why didn’t you come, we miss you.” I never knew how to respond honestly without me revealing what I was going through. I did not want to put my physical and emotional burden on anyone or have anyone concerned about me, so I’d make up an excuse and keep it pushing. Before long, I simply avoided everyone by any means necessary. I lost all interest in getting dressed, getting my hair done, hanging out, enjoying myself with my loved ones. I simply wanted to be alone, eat alone, sleep, and repeat. The problem is that the more negatively I viewed my body, the more likely I was to stand people up, and the more inclined I was to wear large dark clothes and continue to sulk in my misery. Now though, I am tired of covering my body in large dark clothes, standing people up, not taking pride or care in myself, and not being present for or enjoying my life. The only way for me to turn things around is for me to reverse the obesity. So, it’s all on me to stop engaging in all the unhealthy habits I have developed over the years. This will be hard, but I want this more than ANYTHING! I want other women like myself to know, yes it’s hard to force yourself to get up and be present for life when you don’t feel good about yourself and your body image, but you will never be able to enjoy life as long as you are hiding from it. What I am setting out to do is not easy to accomplish, and yes, it is a true challenge for me to change my behaviors. But, I’m determined to prove that living my best life will happen so long as I make it happen. I can’t come out of hiding until I make the necessary changes and ultimately reverse the obesity. And that's exactly what I’m doing on my fitness journey - no longer live my life as an obese woman and transition into being a Fitness Vixen. It all starts with building consistency. If I can do it, you can too!
Consistently Inconsistent. Anyone who has known me prior to me starting my fitness journey can attest to the fact that while I have maintained consistency in my professional life, in my personal life I am very far from being consistent. On a professional level, if I say I will do something, my boss and my colleagues can consider it done. But on a personal level, if I say I’m going to do something 9/10 it won’t get done and I’ll have every reason (excuse) to justify why I could not get it done. It wasn’t until my health started to deteriorate that I realized just how inconsistent I had been all of these years. Every Monday I would start out with a new “diet” or some kind of plan to lose weight and by lunch time on Tuesday, I’d be at my desk eating pizza saying “what diet?!?!!?!” Lol! And if I was asked about my behavior I would say, “oh I’m going to start over...this pizza isn’t that bad...girl I’m allowed to change my mind.” Mind you, we’re all entitled to have a “change of heart” but when having a “change of heart” is the norm for you, it’s not a “change of heart” anymore. At that point it’s simply a fact that you’re an inconsistent person. And that’s exactly what I had proven to be, an inconsistent person. This was very hard for me to acknowledge because after all, my family and friends could rely on me to get things done and make sure their needs were met, but, if/when I wanted to slack off or not be held accountable for my lack of effort, I did not hesitate to drop the ball or say “I changed my mind, don’t hold me to it.” Only a handful of people called me out on my poor behavior. Aside from hearing it from those people, I eventually was faced with this reality every time I stepped on the scale, looked in the mirror, or tried to get dressed and couldn’t fit my clothes, or didn’t like how my clothes looked on me. I could no longer run and hide, or find an excuse to justify my shitty behavior and inconsistencies with my health. So now, I’m ready for change. I’m ready to honor my word to myself and my loved ones. I want them to count on me to get things done not because I have to or I’m feeling up to it, but because I said I would and they know they can count on me to keep my word. I’m now ready to hold myself accountable and keep my word to myself and honor my value of myself. I know that I will face some challenges along the way of my fitness journey. That’s why the fitness regimen, that’s part of the Fitness Vixen Challenge, will help me to be accountable to myself, achieve my fitness goals and stay on track with building consistency. If I can do it, you can too!
Starting my fitness journey is deeper than losing weight and having a transformation. This is truly personal for me because it’s about me changing my behavior, being accountable, and honoring myself enough to create a life for myself that I love to live and vice/versa. By the end of the 90 days when I have completed the Fitness Vixen Challenge, I want to use my story to inspire women like myself who suffer from PCOS, live with obesity (struggle with weight issues, body image, body goals, fitness goals), and are consistently inconsistent. I want them to see that they can learn how to manage PCOS through losing/managing their weight, reverse the bad behaviors they adopted through living with obesity, and creating a fulfilling life by honoring themselves through building consistency. Having high confidence, good health, the ability to look in the mirror and love what you see is immeasurable! PCOS, Obesity, and Inconsistent Behaviors are liars, cheaters, abusers, and manipulators that rob us of our happiness! I will pursue my goals with pure determination on my fitness journey. If I can do it, you can too!
For details on what I’ll be doing and how I’ll be doing it, follow me on IG @iamcurvythickfit and subscribe to the Fitness Vixen mailing list BELOW to stay up-to-date on my fitness journey and the details of what doing the Fitness Vixen Challenge looks like.
Watch me go from being an OBESE WOMAN to a fit and healthy FITNESS VIXEN!!!!!!